Why you’re putting off the thing you care about most

This blog started life as an episode of my podcast, Unfrazzle. You can listen here if you prefer

A few weeks ago I talked about the difference between your hot and cold executive function. (You can read that one here, if you missed it)

Today I want to dive deeper into what’s going on when your hot executive function (EF) is in charge. Your hot EF is the part of your brain that gets involved when the stakes feel high, or when you’re doing something that feels emotionally charged. Because of that, it isn’t always helpful when it comes to getting things done.

But here’s the kicker: it thinks it’s being helpful. Your brain is wired to keep you safe. And sometimes that means keeping you small and stuck where you are. Your subconscious knows you’re safe where you are. It’s comfortable there. It doesn’t like discomfort, and it truly believes that stepping outside of the status quote spells danger. So your subconscious does its best to keep you where you are.

In practice, that can look like procrastination.

So take a moment to think about the tasks you’ve been putting off for the longest. I’m willing to bet that some of those will be connected to the things you care about the most.

And because they mean so much, it could be that your hot executive function is registering those as a threat.

Let’s imagine you want to write a book. You’ve been saying you want to write a book for years, and yet it still hasn’t happened. You have not written a book. You’ve written plenty of other things – emails to your list, posts for social media, shopping lists – but still no book.

So it can’t be that you’re incapable of writing, can it? There must be some other explanation.

What's going on beneath the surface

Could it be that writing a book runs the risk of you being judged? It runs the risk of you failing. What if it’s no good? What if nobody buys it? Or you could be afraid of the success that might happen when you’ve written your book. What if it catapults you into the limelight? What if suddenly you have so many clients queueing up to work with you, you can’t keep up?

The dream of writing a book feels good, doesn’t it? But the minute you start, there’s a risk that dream will be shattered, or won’t be what you expect. And so by not taking action, you’re keeping that dream alive.

That doesn’t mean you’re lazy. It just means that your subconscious is preventing you from the discomfort it perceives as dangerous.

Does that make sense? If your subconscious thinks something is going to cause you harm – perhaps even threaten your very identity as someone who can write a book – it’ll kick you into avoidance and procrastination mode. You won’t be aware of that on conscious level, and it’ll be very frustrating. But all that’s happening is that your subconscious believes that starting the thing will make you feel anxious, inadequate, exposed - insert unpleasant feeling here - and you can avoid that feeling by doing something else instead. That avoidance works in the short term, removing the discomfort and so reinforcing the behaviour of avoidance. And it can be hard to break out of that cycle.

What does this look like for you?

Have a think about the things you’ve been putting off. Is there some significant emotional weight attached?

It could be something like ‘this project reflects whether I’m actually talented … whether I’m capable of running a successful business… whether I’m capable of making more money… whether what I do actually has value… whether I’m a good person.’

What is it for you and the thing you’ve been putting off?

Understanding what’s going on below the surface is the first step to doing something about it.

So what CAN you do about it?

Name it. Name what you’re avoiding. Bring it to your conscious mind, so you can choose your next move (instead of letting your subconscious take the wheel and steer you away from perceived danger).

I’d also encourage you to work on separating your self worth from completing that project. Whether or not you get it done – and whatever happens when you do – doesn’t make you any more or less valuable as a human. You are already valuable, no matter what. Full stop. The amount you get done, how much you earn, how many followers you have means absolutely nothing about your inherent worth as a human.

Once you’ve reminded yourself of that, and identified the thing your subconscious is trying to protect you from, here’s what you can do to get into action:

Remind yourself of what becomes possible when you get that thing done.

Imagine yourself having done it already, to prove to your subconscious that it’s possible for you. We do that every month in Make It Happen Club. Your brain can’t tell the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined, so let’s give it lots of evidence that the things we want are possible – and safe – for us.

Then, identify the very first step you need to take to progress the thing you’ve been putting off. And make that step so small, that it doesn’t trigger a threat response from your hot executive function.

Lastly, see if you can get comfortable with discomfort. Develop your capacity to feel the discomfort of starting the thing, and start anyway. Then, instead of reinforcing the unhelpful pattern of avoidance, you’ll start reinforcing the more helpful behaviour of taking action even when it’s uncomfortable.

Your brain will see that nothing terrible happened, and over time you’ll rewire your brain so it knows it’s safe. That’s neuroplasticity in action. It takes conscious effort to start with, but eventually will become second nature.

So remember – it’s natural to put off the things that matter the most, but you do have the power to do something about it.

Which of the things you’ve been putting off are you ready to start?